on giving yourself what you need.
Happy monday friends. Last week was quite the week, and once again I’m sat with a blank page and no idea what I want to say. I’m not taking this as a bad thing because it means that whatever comes out is straight from the heart. I’m feeling a lot of resistance today, about everything. Emotions are running high, so up in the air that I’m struggling to identify them, to make sense of the mess of it all. I don’t handle being in this state very well, I never know how to get my feet back on stable ground. I’m working on it, however, and something that works once i remember it’s a tool that I have at my disposal is a form of affirmation. It’s the remembering that’s half the issue but it’s a habit that can be built up over time, the more I remember it. The more I bring myself back to the space of giving myself the caring words and reassurances I need, the more natural it will become. I don’t know whether it’s because I haven’t given them a proper chance, but the traditional listing of ‘i am’ affirmations never really work for me, never leave me feeling any different. The way I feel most held and supported in affirmative language is what Amie McNee (@inspiredtowrite) would call ‘mothering’ myself. It just works so much better for me, this dialogue with myself, the act of giving myself the encouragement I need to pull myself out of whatever emotions are swirling around me. Sometimes all you need is somebody to remind you that everything is going to be ok. Sometimes all you need is someone to remind you that all the things you’re worrying about probably aren’t as big and scary as your mind is making them out to be. Sometimes you just need to be told someone is proud of you, of how far you’ve come and of all that you’re working towards. Sometimes you needed to be reminded to slow down and look at all the magic you’ve built around you, by yourself, for yourself. And I think it’s especially important to be the one reminding yourself of these things.
Praise and encouragement from others comes and goes, often surrounding the big moments that can be few and far between. Waiting for and relying on these reminders from outside of ourselves can be a dangerous game to play. We all know of the perils of the chase towards external validation. However I think we often forget the ways in which we can return the power into the clasp of our own hands. We forget to reassure and encourage and praise ourselves, if we ever have at all. It feels like a foreign concept, one we’re never taught or really introduced to at any stage in our education. We’re taught to focus on grades and feedback from figures of authority, taught to wait until we’re told we’re good enough or worthy of praise, of positive reinforcement of our place in the world and all we have to offer. This is why the act of affirmation of self, of mothering and encouraging and reassuring oneself is a radical one. It can feel superfluous, self indulgent, misplaced. To have the audacity to give that power to ourselves, to be our own gatekeepers, cheerleaders and fan club is an act of rebellion in a world that often shrinks us so small and encourages us to forget we have any power over our own experience here on earth.
And yet it is often the only thing that brings me back into myself, into my body instead of worrying about everything ‘out there’.
When was the last time you actively spoke to yourself with kindness?
When was the last time you stopped and asked yourself ‘what do I need right now, in this very moment’?
When was the last time you told yourself you’re proud of yourself?
Have you ever?
if you don’t have an answer to these questions, this next bit is for you. And even if you do, I still want you to receive these reminders from someone who knows all too well what it feels like to forget to build a positive relationship with yourself as well as those around you.
My dear friend, I want you to know I am proud of you. So immensely proud, of the big things, of the little things and of everything in between. I’m proud of you for how you show up, through the good and the bad. I’m proud of you for you. Not because of the things you do, how well you do them, how much or how efficiently you produce them. Not because of how productive or successful or beautiful or witty you are but because of the way your soul shines just by your being here, on earth, living this life. I’m proud of your mistakes, of the moments you doubted your ability to endure, of the times you dragged all your pieces up off of the floor and put yourself back together. I’m proud of your broken pieces, your wounds and scars that tell the story of all you’ve braved in this life. I’m proud of your passion, of your rawness, that fire within that can be fuelled both by inspiration and by rage. I’m proud of the way your eyes light up and your soul sparks alight when you do what you love, regardless of who, if anyone, is watching. I’m proud of the ways in which you’ve grown, triggered by the moments you shrank yourself down and shied away from speaking your truth. They taught you what happens when you forget your worth, what a pure, radiant light you are in this world.
I want to remind you that you are so worthy of all the love in the universe, just because you are you. You do not have to be whole or perfect or untarnished. You do not have to earn it, chase it, beg for it. You deserve the deepest love, faith, encouragement, pride, care, compassion, simply as you are. You do not have to water yourself down, mould, cut away, contort yourself to receive any of these things. You are never too much or not enough for those who are truly meant to accompany you on this journey. You can have everything you yearn for in this life and still be unapologetically yourself. And who that is will change and shift and evolve over time. You will shed versions of yourself as chapters come to a close, new ones commencing with the turning of the page, the passage of time. What you dream of will also shift and change along with it as well as the spaces you wish to occupy and those you wish to bring along for the ride. Such is the way of life. This is not something to be feared, but to be embraced.
I want to remind you that life is lived in seasons and rhythms and cycles and in honouring these you are not lazy or unworthy or less than anyone else. I want to remind you that it is ok to need rest, to want to slow down, just as it is ok to increase pace, fuelled by passion and inspiration. But what I want to remind you of most is this. This is your life to live, however you want. It may seem like there are so many rules, so many ways things ‘should’ be done. But no one else can live your life for you. No one else can feel what you feel, see what you see, do what you do, quite like you will. That is your gift. You are so uniquely you and I truly hope with my entire being that you learn to embrace that. I hope that you open your arms, your eyes, your heart, your lungs and breathe it all in. I hope you truly live this beautiful, messy, unpredictable life of yours. I hope you love yourself through it’s ups and downs. I hope you choose to hold the power in your hands and channel it into caring for, encouraging, embracing, having pride in, having compassion for and loving yourself. I hope you learn to give yourself what you need, each and every day. I really do.
if you want to hear more about my journey towards a more authentic existence, follow me on instagram @the.authenticity.project and on medium . see my photography work on instagram @s.ophiea.lice and connect with me on linkedin.
big love to you all x