I took a two week break from writing, something I’m trying not to turn into a reason to punish or guilt myself. I’m still getting used to having a full schedule as well as a blossoming social life. I have been making so many new friends and going out as well as working and I had little energy for much else. And that’s okay. Life changes and there are seasons of hibernation followed by full bloom. It would be a little monotonous if this were not the case. All we can do is try to embrace and shift to each season that graces our lives. And so I took a much-needed break amidst the back-to-back shifts and expansion of my social circle, I gave myself time to acclimatise to a new pace of life. the last few days, however, I have felt more tired than ever despite things having slowed down somewhat. I was struggling to understand why until I had a little aha moment while journalling this morning.

Despite making sure I was taking time to rest in between all that busyness, I wasn’t making a conscious effort to do things other than that to refill my cup. I was barely journalling and had completely forgotten about yoga and meditation. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d listened to a podcast and my book had collected a layer of dust upon the shelf. These are the things that, when I dedicate time to them regularly, inspire me, trigger questions and topics to dive into and strengthen my connection to myself. It is no wonder I’ve been struggling to think of anything to discuss here even if I had had the energy or time to write. These parts of my daily life that feel frivolous and self-serving and are usually the first things to fall away in times of stress, are in fact the things that keep me sane, that fuel me creatively and recharge my mental state.

it feels a little contradictory to the way our culture encourages us to live. Productivity and hustle culture have got us trapped in a mindset of the more hours you put in the better you’re working. Rest, exploration, play, mindfulness, slowing down, these things are all at the bottom of the list of things we’re told/encouraged to prioritise and allot time for. It couldn’t be more wrong. we need these things, both to be productive and do a good job but also to lead a rich, fulfilling, balanced life. I spent so much of my time believing rest and play were to be earned, that they were things that came after I had done enough work, if I had enough energy. I thought there was something wrong with me for so long because working all day and forcing myself to be productive at all times left me so depleted the only thing I had the capacity to do was collapse into bed as soon as I got home. I’ve been so drained in the past that I literally went to the doctors with concerns that something was seriously wrong with me. It turned out that the way that I was living and working just wasn’t sustainable for my mind, body and spirit. I can feel the tell-tale signs of falling into the same trap once more creeping up on me. I’m heading towards a re-entry into a cycle that I know does me no good. This time is different, however, because I’m aware of it. I know better now. I know what things I want and need to prioritise to find my way back into alignment, to find balance. This requires the creation of boundaries, both for myself and others, a newfound practice of mine I’m still learning to navigate. it requires a focus on maintaining a balance between what drains and what really restores my energy. It requires an active discernment of the state of my metaphorical cup and a commitment to refilling it whenever necessary.

Both work and play have equal importance despite literally everything in the world telling us otherwise. Play is not something to be left behind once one leaves childhood. Discovery and awe are the biggest sparkers of inspiration. Learning and exploring and questioning is what feeds our minds, not productivity and focus all the time. I re-focused myself over the last couple of days and as if by magic here I am, writing again. I’ve been reading, journalling, meditating. I took myself on an adventure yesterday and listened to a podcast on the way. I treated myself to ice creams and dipped my toes in the sea. I’ve danced around to my favourite songs and face-timed the people I love. I went to the museum and spent an afternoon on the beach with my friends. I’ve also been to work, finally completed some tasks I’ve been putting off for weeks and even taken on extra shifts. I shifted my focus away from the rush from one thing to the next and instead turned it towards being as present and intentional in as many things as I could. I have done so haphazardly for I am only human. I’ve occasionally fallen into hour-long Instagram scrolls, indulged in a multitude of junk foods and there is still a pile of clothes on the floor that would only take two minutes to put away. But I’ve been trying and that’s all any of us can do. I’ve lost focus before and I’m sure I will again in the not too distant future. What matters is that I eventually find my way back, that each time I find the strength to re-create balance, little by little. To make small steps towards prioritising both work and play equally once more. To tune in and determine when I have the energy to spare and when I need a refill. And then to give time to the things that will rejuvenate me and spark me back to life.

I hope you choose to do the same. To turn inwards and ask yourself what things you do that refill your cup, ignite your passions and spark your imagination. To create space for them in your life not just squashed between other commitments but as an equal priority whenever you can. Burnt out exhaustion should not be the default mode to navigate life in. It took a lot for me to realise that. Everywhere you look there is a rush, a pace of life that doesn’t allow for joy, curiosity and wonder. I don’t want to live like that anymore. It makes me feel like shit. I’m sure this is a familiar feeling to all of us which quite honestly, makes me upset. But we have a choice, an opportunity to make changes in our lives that eventually create a new default fuelled by intuition, presence and intention. A default that is flexible and flowing to adapt to our ever-changing inner and outer environments. A default that feels good for us more often than it feels draining. A default that makes us excited to be alive, to get to do things that fulfil us and brings us a sense of purpose. This takes time to create, it takes focus and there will be moments where slip ups and distractions might pull us off course. But finding that centre, that way of being that you want to embody each and every time is what will eventually create that reality.

if you want to hear more about my journey towards a more authentic existence, follow me on instagram @the.authenticity.project and on medium . see my photography work on instagram @s.ophiea.lice and connect with me on linkedin.

big love to you all x