I’ve written a total of three attempts at covering this topic now. It’s taken a moment to gather my thoughts and understand what it is I feel I need to say. Is the single most important topic of ‘the authenticity project’. Is the foundations upon which all of it must be built. The suspense must be killing you, I’ll just get on with it and spill the beans already. A life of authenticity, presence, intention and alignment is not possible without the cultivation of a positive relationship with the self. It cannot be done. this, however, was not immediately obvious to me upon embarking on this quest towards life well lived. I thought that by doing all the things, journalling, meditating, spending time grounded in nature, deepening my connection to the powers that be, examining my traumas and connecting with my higher self, was enough. As though they were the ingredients needed for spiritually enriching life. But guess what all these things have in common? They bring you closer to yourself. They are ways to root back into your spirit and let all of the baggage fall away. they are acts of truly coming to know oneself. And so, unknowingly, over the past year or so, what I have been really doing is building a relationship with myself. I’ve taken myself to pieces, examined at all, and put myself back together.

In this examination, this making sense of the pieces that make up the greater whole, I came to understand the unfortunate truth that I didn’t really like myself. I saw how unkind to myself I’ve been for a very long time and how uncomfortable I felt in my own company. I imagine I’m not the only one, which quite frankly, is a damn shame. How many of us are moving through life in this way, not so blissfully unaware of it? Disliking yourself has become a universal truth, normalised through self-deprecating humour, depression memes and a refusal to take oneself seriously. Liking yourself is a rebellious act which more often than not results in being labelled arrogant, self-assessed, vain. Sure, it’s possible for one to fall too far along the other end of the spectrum with the belief that the world revolves around you, but when did a healthy amount of self appreciation become so difficult to come by? We are more familiar with the voice of our inner critic than that of our soul. I’ve been working on changing that. It’s been a long journey, one that honestly I am only just at the beginning of. It is hard work. It hurts to become aware of how cruel you are to yourself, to witness the ways you put yourself down and make yourself small. It’s frustrating to realise how subconscious it’s become, to catch yourself in the midst of it all and wonder how the hell to drag yourself out. Self-discovery and spiritual awakening make this sound like a magical road towards enlightenment, one filled with bliss and happiness, devoid of pain or challenge or difficulty. I’ve come to understand that this is all an illusion.

Following this path is one of the most difficult, emotionally draining things I have ever chosen to do. But it is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done and this is a journey I will dedicate myself to for the rest of my life. I’ve learnt a lot of hard truths, the true duality of all things has been revealed to me time and time again. Where there is darkness, there must also be light. Where there is pain, there is also growth. There is a balance to all things. But, over time, I have witnessed the blossoming of a relationship with myself that is based upon nurture and acceptance instead of punishment and cruelty. I learnt how much power I hold within myself over my reality and experience of this existence here on Earth. My whole life, without realising I had a choice, I had subscribed to the narrative of lack, not enough Ness, difficulty, struggle, the list goes on. How your life plays out is not so much what happens to you but what you choose to do with it, how do you choose to tell the story. Which stories you allow to play in your mind, which you choose to rewrite. how you choose to rewrite them. There is a lesson to be learned from all things. Whether that is simply that life can be cruel and deal you a shitty hand you can come to learn how resilient you are, and how, despite it all, you continue to open yourself to life. How, despite whatever life throws at you, you have the courage to continue along your journey, sharing your love and light with the world. Recognising the lessons to be learnt and choosing to grow and evolve through them is what self-discovery is all about. Its the ability to see yourself as a fluid, ever-changing and imperfect human that is willing to grow and learn at every turn. it’s witnessing all the lessons that have made you who you are and being proud of yourself for making it this far. It’s recognising where you want this journey to take you and making decisions that align. But most importantly it’s recognising that all of these lessons, growths, evolutions, decisions make up you, a person that deserves to be recognised with pride and appreciation and love. A person whose company is meant to be enjoyed. A person worthy of building a loving relationship with. A person that deserves to be spoken to with kind words, to be nurtured, to be seen and heard and embraced just as much as the next.

It’s heartwarming to witness how much I’ve blossomed simply by choosing to be kind to myself. I’ve had moments for journalling that I’ve shed tears of relief and gratitude because I felt so seen and heard and appreciated by myself. I’ve made it a practice to ask myself regularly what I need right now in that moment. And I give it to myself. I don’t deny myself out of spite or guilt anymore. It is still an unfamiliar feeling, to pour love and kindness and affirmation into myself on a regular basis. It feels indulgent and superfluous a lot of the time but it’s also revolutionising every aspect of my life. The more I cultivate this kind of relationship with myself, the freer I feel. I am liberating myself each and every day. It’s resulted in a deeper appreciation for my life, all I have achieved, how far I’ve come. It’s allowed me to find the courage to step further and further into my truth. In learning how to communicate with myself its strengthened my ability to communicate with others. I feel more comfortable taking up space and showing up in the world than I ever have. I spent so much of my life hiding and denying who I truly am. I’m no longer are scared to set boundaries and truthfully share how I feel. I am more deeply rooted and sure of myself. I really enjoy my own company. I choose to spend quality time with myself, doing things that nourish my mind, body and soul. This is one of the biggest indicators of growth as someone that used to distract, numb and avoid time spent with myself. It used to terrify me. it still does sometimes but it’s getting easier, all because of this repair I’ve been doing with my relationship with myself.

so, if I haven’t listed enough reasons for you to want to pursue your own journey of reparation, I have one last thing to say. My friend, there is one person that will be there for 100% of your life. One person that will experience the highs and lows, comings and going’s, each and every memory. That person is you. The very least you can do is appreciate yourself for that fact alone. If you love one person in your lifetime let it be you. If you listen to one person in your life, let it be you. Not your inner critic, but your soul, your life force. If you make memories with one person in your life, let it be with yourself. If you nurture or care or appreciate one person in your life, let it be you. Learn to enjoy your own company, ask yourself questions, get to know yourself, explore yourself and your dreams, ideas and visions. Learn to live life with your arms wide open, embracing the magical, messy human being that you are. You owe yourself that at the very least.

p.s. These photos were taken one morning last week where I truly embodied the idea of spending quality time with myself. I woke up, packed myself a breakfast picnic along with a cup of tea, my camera, my journal and a new book and headed out on my bike to a park. I welcomed the day sat upon a blanket in the sun as the city beyond awoke. Being able to spend time with myself in this way, gently, peacefully, gratefully, is the outcome of cultivating a positive relationship with myself. I hope you come to pursue magical moments with yourself such as these. You deserve them.

if you want to hear more about my journey towards a more authentic existence, follow me on instagram @the.authenticity.project and on medium . see my photography work on instagram @s.ophiea.lice and connect with me on linkedin.

big love to you all x