I’ve felt ready to return to this space for a little while, yet got caught up in worrying about how best to show up after the break I truly needed. it finally got to the point where I realised I simply needed to show up again, honestly, truthfully and authentically.

as you may recall, before I took a break I had been struggling to find my voice, to know what to say or what was important enough to accompany my dramatic return to this space. I felt foggy and disconnected from all the rituals and practices that served as inspiration that allowed the words I share here to flow freely. I just felt lost in general, my life had become familiar and after so long spent smashing out of my comfort zone, I felt uncomfortable with the quiet that followed in the aftermath of so much expansion. Looking back I can clearly see I was burnt out, entering a season of hibernation, of retreat. I had no energy to share because I needed to pour it all inwards to create a cocoon for myself that would allow me to soften into that new season. so I gave myself the precious gift of time. I decided to place my trust in myself that I would return when I felt ready. forcing myself to show up here hadn’t been working, it was time to try a different approach.

that rest, the relieving of pressure to remain the same gave me the space I needed to embrace a period of change and evolution I had apparently been fighting off for quite a while. I needed the breathing room to let all that learning and discovery I have been sharing with you for the past year really sink in. I needed to relax into my metamorphosis. yet at the time I didn’t realise thats what it was. life follows a cycle of growth then quiet. sometimes we are pushed beyond our limits and find ourselves in the deep end frantically treading water and trying to regain our sense of direction and safety. Other times we find ourselves safe on dry land, the wind in our hair and solid ground beneath our feet as we peacefully go about our daily lives feeling stable and consistent. I had never seen beyond these two seasons, not noticed the transitions between them of thought about how we get from one to the other. I thought things were either chaotic or calm and familiar, no In between. hindsight and time to reflect are beautiful things. in choosing to settle into the period of rest and what I would later label as hibernation and metamorphosis that my mind, body and soul were screaming out for, I allowed myself to witness the transition I had never acknowledged before. I began to understand that there is not just chaos and calm familiarity but whole other seasons in between that I didn’t know about, let alone know how to honour. after chaos comes a deepening, a softening, a metamorphosis. when all the noise subsides, we must honour the stillness that yearns to sink into our bones. we must build a cocoon around ourselves woven with the nurture and care we will most need in this season of hibernation. it is a time to allow ourselves to drift to shore, pulled in by the lulling waves that follow stormy seas.

for the past two years I have been slowly building my cocoon. threading silks and strands that I wished to bring along into this metamorphosis. letting what had hurt me in the past just fall away, old wounds stitched anew, rewritten in the weaving and nurturing of the place I would call home while embracing a season of transformation and growth. I was learning so much through the unpicking and reweaving of this cocoon. I felt I was building something beautiful, inspired, authentically me in the process and that felt so incredibly empowering. What I have been struggling to understand in the season that dawned in it’s wake was that at some point I would have to shut myself into that cocoon I had spent so long lovingly weaving for myself. none of the transformation I had been actively pursuing could happen without embracing a period of hibernation, of quiet away from the world around me. I worried i’d lost my words, searched deep within myself for where they might have gone, yet I’d woven them all around me. it was a season for soaking in all i’d learnt, allowing the ripples to guide me back to solid ground. for allowing a new version of myself to grow and emerge in it’s new form. I finally feel myself slowly unpicking the woven edges of my cocoon, words are gently beginning to flow once more. in the unpicking I have once again come to feel as though I am lost. as though everything I once knew doesn’t fit or resonate as deeply as it once did. the confession has been consuming me, this lost feeling blossoming inside of me with nowhere to go. there are things I couldn’t see until I fully freed myself from my cocoon and allowed my new wings to spread. all that time I couldn’t see what I had been building, what it meant or how the process was meant to go. I needed to allow myself to be, which I did, for a while. what I didn’t know was that after my emergence, my metamorphosis, my shedding of the old, the season that would follow would be one of curiosity and rediscovery. that I would have to learn who I am now, all over again. this new version of myself that was borne from a season of chaos and intense change is a person I must embrace with a gentle sense of curiosity, instead of drowning myself in my confusion and lost feelings.

I am now entering a new season, one of discovery and gentle knowing. I must lovingly ask questions, acquaint myself with scars old and new, examine how they have healed, what nurture they need most. I must ask questions of who I am in this new season and who I wish to have become at it’s close. what I forgot as I busily weaved and then absorbed all that wisdom i’ve been collecting over the past two years is that we never really stay the same for very long. nothing really does. seasons come and go and we must ease ourselves into them with love, care and grace. we must embrace the changing of the world both around us and within us and learn how to live most authentically amidst it all. I have been in my cocoon for the past month or so, soaking in all that change.

I am ready to spread my wings and fly with an open mind and heart in towards whatever blessings this new season shall lead me to.

may you find the grace to do the same.

if you want to hear more about my journey towards a more authentic existence, follow me on instagram @the.authenticity.project and on medium . see my photography work on instagram @s.ophiea.lice and connect with me on linkedin.

big love to you all x